Things You Can Do to Live a Lot Longer than You Think
Our leader asked us for specific articles. One of his request was: Anti-Aging - Techniques, tips and methods for staving off Father Time.
Who is Father Time anyway? How did he get it into his head to kill everybody? It just isn?t fair. We need to attack him, trip him up, block him, and finally, kill HIM. Then we can live forever or even longer.
I tried to find a Father Time joke on the internet. I failed, so as usual I?ll write my own joke:
A farmer was working in the barn and a tall thin person in a black cape and a black pointed hat came in to see him. He was from the ?black branch? of the Ku Klux Klan. This dark character carried a scythe over his shoulder. The farmer grabbed the scythe and said, ?We?ve been looking for that scythe for ages. Damn Thief!? He grabbed the scythe, gave the black character a kick in the pants, and sent him running out into the fields.
The scythe is the tool of the Grim Reaper. He is Father Time in disguise. A scythe is a farming tool used to cut down grain. It is a wooden rod with a stem. The top end of the rod and also the stem has a handle or grip. The grips are parallel to the rod. At the end of the rod you will find the ring, tang, heel, beard, chine and toe. The chine does the cutting. You young folks will want to take a look at a scythe at http://www.scythesupply.com/.
The scythe is what the Grim Reaper uses to cut you down. That?s not what we want to happen. Here are some ways to hex the Grim Reaper alias Father Time.
Send some of your kids to medical school.
That?s what I did. If I say ?I had a little bump in my chest last week,? one of my doctor sons will say, ?Get down to the emergency room, NOW!?
I say, ?I?ll go tomorrow. I?ve got to take the boys fishing.?
He says, ?Dad! Get your butt down there!?
When I get there the emergency room physician is already talking to my son and he starts testing me for everything from Abrin to Zoster.
Thank God for Medicare and the AARP Supplemental Insurance.
Oh, you want to see a list of diseases? Go to http://www.cdc.gov/az.do. Maybe you will find one you like. You know what they say, For long life find a disease and take care of it.
Watch cartoons on television.
One man was supposed to die so he lay in his bed in the hospital and watched Red Skelton videos. He laughed and laughed and laughed but he couldn?t die.
He got out of bed and went home. Anyway, that?s the way I heard it.
At the first sign of a cold take a ton of Vitamin ?C.?
Linus Pauling got two Nobel Prizes. One was for his work on the structure of matter. The other was the Peace Prize.
He should have got one for his work with Vitamin ?C.? Read about him at http://lpi.oregonstate.edu/.
Read the label on those big pills that fizz that you take to prevent illness from crowds and airplane cabins. There filled with Vitamin ?C.? I just take Vitamin ?C.? It?s cheaper.
By the way, I stuck one of those fizzy pills in my mouth recently up in Michigan. I looked like I had hydrophobia.
I take about 3000 mg of itamin ?C.? The limit is 10,000 from what I?ve been told. Ask your doctor about the correct dosage or read the bottle label if you can read print that should have been put on a pinhead.
Do what Katie Couric did but not on television.
That is that if you are over 50, you need a doctor to stick his fiber optic doodad up where the sun doesn?t shine to check your colon. See http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/514178.html.
If you are a man, have your doctor put his finger where he can check your prostate. See above.
I know it?s not pleasant, but do it. Early detection is the key. Go to http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/.
I just lost a very good friend to prostate cancer.
Lay off the fat and overeating.
Heart disease and diabetes are two killers.
Read about heart disease at http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1200000.
Read about diabetes at http://www.diabetes.org/home.jsp.
Take a baby aspirin every day to prevent stroke and heart attack.
A few years ago my cardiologist in Arizona said that he wanted to keep me alive until I was in my mid-eighties. My grandfather lived until he was about 95 and my parents lived until they were 88. However, I had uncles and cousins who died young of heart disease. I was surprised at what the doctor said since I had had coronary bypass surgery and I had a bad aortic valve. Since then I?ve had bypass surgery again and I?ve an aortic valve from a young hog. My surgeon now says that if I don?t die from something else, my heart and arteries should carry me for another 10 years.
Medical care is very important to heart and diabetes patients.
Don?t forget it.
Exercise, but don?t overdo it.
Here is a place to start: http://www.presidentschallenge.org/.
Provide service to others.
How does this help? Well, giving help is like watching Red Skelton. You feel good about it and mental attitude is important to long life.
Go to http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2001790118agelong13m0.html to read an inspirational story of a 110 year old woman.
Take care of your teeth.
To get the nutrients from food, you need to be able to breakdown the structure of the foods you are eating. You do this by chewing and chewing and chewing.
Learn how to take care of your teeth at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/dentalhealth.html.
Have long-lived parents.
Genes are important. Just remember that proper living and medical care can make up the difference. If you don?t have the best genes read the article at http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/08/0827agegen.htm. Help is on the way!
Read the article below.
This is for men but women should read it too. It covers some of what I said and more. Go to http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mim1608/is318/ai83343023#continue.
Sing Happy Days are Here Again every day.
This song was written by Jack Yellen & Milton Alger,
Happy days are here again,
The skies above are clear again.
Let us sing a song of cheer again ?
Happy days are here again.
Read the lyrics at http://www.k-state.edu/english/nelp/american.studies.s98/brother.happy.html.
Now sing them every day.
Promise?
The End
John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com, a retired VP of R&D for Lenox China, is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering, humor), poetry, etc. Former editor of Ceramic Industry Magazine. He calls himself Taylor Jones, the hack writer.
More info: http://www.tjbooks.com
Business web site: http://www.dumbincome.com